It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
But never forget that God sees you, knows you, and loves you. Every part of you.
Your true colours...
"Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge"
Sometimes it is easier to just rebel and run away from God. You feel better, you feel lighter and to be honest happier.
You start to look for every possible reason to justify your rebellion, but sooner or later you realise you were going through a lost phase. And you needed out as soon as possible. Being human is losing it sometimes, crying sometimes, and smirking sometimes. It is also being happy and it's okay to feel like you are not just "be" -ing.