Hey Eve,
It has been a while
I think I have been running away from you
But also not really
So lol
Ah ...by the way
I made it to that place, I always spoke about
You know
The place I always said; would be great to get to
The place I hoped I will get to but never really believed I would
It is great by the way
Lol I wish I could say it was all my hard work but to be honest
He did all the heavy lifting
All I did was cry
Nag
Whine
Play
Cry
Dream
Procrastinate
But I feel different
Can't really explain it
I know I am the same girl I was back then
But I also feel different
Going to try and summarize the events of the last few months
I initially started off with the same resolutions
Of changing my life and being a different person
blah blah blah...
But it was somewhat obstructed with the daredevil trip
Where I tried to reinvent myself as a semi-bad B
Lol
Yh, I am going to give up on not trying to be a Bad b
It looks fun
The life looks desirable and I want a piece
Ah... I also had a mental slum
Yh, you guessed it,
From comparison
Anyway,
Letting go of that frustration led me back to Him
Hmm
He actually used the frustration to lead me back to Him
Luckily, Esther was going through the same thing
So we decided to tag-team this bitch
And lol trust me
We were not ready for the ride ahead
I went on a journey of daily tears
Lol
Like every day included a cry siesta
Started digging deep into my life
My why's and how's
What now's and what next
I felt lost some days
But began tasting something heavenly
That I simply had to trade my life for
I not only started knowing me
I also started accepting me
However, me being me
Tried to build walls around this newfound being
I was so amazed at myself that I didn't want to lose her
She was what I had been waiting for all my life
She was the perfect me that I always wished and dreamt of
She was amazing
So I set up guards and gates to make sure she could not escape
Because I wouldn't know what to do if she did
lol
*But what is life without whimsy, right*
The gates slipped open one day
The guards were changing shifts
And a glimpse of the past came in
And lured her out
She tasted the good life
And no longer wanted to be bound
I felt like I lost her
I felt betrayed
Disappointed
And lost
...again
My fears came true
I kept trying to go back to the past to change something
I searched and searched
When I finally found her
She was different
She was tainted
The perfect girl I had only ever dreamed of
Was stained
She was not the same
I questioned my love for her
She had changed
But so have I
But we both had Abba next to us
He loved us both equally
I still don't get it
I thought the point was to get rid of me to make way for her
But maybe he wants us both
Now that I am back
It still feels weird
I don't know if this feels right to you Eve
Adam, what do you think?
This is my new normal
Trying to make sense of it all
I will definitely be hand holding my way through this one
Not sure if I am happy
But I am peaceful
And learning contentment daily
How am I different but still the same
Lol this feels weird
I still want my wants
I still need my needs
I still desire my desires
But I am also okay waiting
So yeah I can't explain it
Just wanted to let you know that
E bi ta wi
La de yi